Sunday, December 17th Tiffany Alexion
Joy
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”
James 1: 2-3
How easily the tides can turn, and a diagnosis can change your life. Christmas Eve of 2020 was spent having multiple mammograms and an ultrasound. December 30th started with an MRI and bloodwork. January 3 was a day of biopsies. What a way to spend the Christmas season and the beginning of the New Year. My husband, George and I found it very challenging to focus on anything but the potential results. Talk about a cloud looming over our heads. A call from my doctor’s office requesting George and I come in as soon as possible filled our hearts with confusion, anxiety, and so much more. No one wants to hear the dreaded word, cancer. Yet on January 7th there I was, 3 days after my 40th birthday. “I am sorry the test results have come back as positive for breast cancer, and it is also in your lymph nodes.”
I was so taken aback. What? Me? No this is someone else you are talking about right? I have no family history of breast cancer and I literally just turned 40. I am a mother of 3 wonderful boys and don’t have time to fight this battle. Why me? What does this mean? What is the survival rate? Sooo many questions flashed through my mind. The moment it all sank in was when we were driving home and I looked at George, completely lost my composure and simply stated “I want to be there. I want to be there to see the boys graduate High School, College, get married, and become a Grandma.” Why was all of this happiness being taken from me? Wow was my faith starting to be tested.
Over the course of 2 years while the world was shut down from the COVID Pandemic I fought. Man did I fight! I had 7 surgeries, 4 months of chemo, and 6 weeks of radiation. Before any surgery I had to take a COVID test and wait 2 days for the results to make sure I was negative so I could have surgery. Wait, wait, wait. Stress, stress, stress. Then each surgery led to a complication, another setback, and another surgery. “Your pathology results show there is still cancer in your lymph nodes. My scheduler will be in touch to schedule another surgery.” “You can’t have that surgery; you have sepsis and need to have surgery to remove the fluid and infection.” “Oh you just tested positive for COVID; you need to wait 4 weeks before we can remove the cancer in your lymph nodes.” Here we go again, my faith starts to waiver. In those moments I felt defeated, frustrated, scared, very insecure.
Having so many surgeries, chemo, and radiation left me with a lot of time for reflection as I was often so tired, mentally and physically drained. I began to be intentional with this time and spent it in prayer and meditation. I will admit I got hung up on the “why me” for a while. Why me? A woman of faith, someone who chooses to fight while remaining hopeful, positive, and happy. That is when it hit me, despite it all I am happy…that is the key. Happy to still be here fighting the fight, but not joyful, just happy. When I realized that distinct difference and started to focus my thoughts on God and the joy that only He can bring I was comforted with undeniable strength, love, comfort, and peace. When I gave up my worldly fight to Him and accepted His will be done, my heart was filled with joy knowing that He has me and always will. While I would never wish my trials upon anyone else, without them I would not be filled with the joy that can only come from our Lord and Savior.
Take away- Joy. What is the meaning of joy? It is not the same as happiness. Although it can often be confused with happiness. Happiness is an emotion. Joy is a feeling. Happiness is temporary. Joy is constant. Happiness is external. Joy is internal. Happiness comes and goes and is dependent upon circumstances. Most importantly Joy is a feeling, an attitude that defies circumstances, is consistent and feeds your soul with inner contentment. Why? Because God is the source of all joy, true and everlasting love.
Prayer
Lord, even when we trust You, at times life is hard to understand and our hearts ache. I pray You bring comfort, strength, and JOY to those who are facing a difficult time. With each step they take may they feel Your presence, and be reminded of the joy only Your love can fill in our hearts.
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